The World According To Crookshanks
by the-dolphins-way
Summary: Ever wonder how Crookshanks see's the world through his eye's? Well here you go. Bit of OC"s here and there. Also this is my first fic,so please be nice. Constructive criticism welcome. Thank you!
1. The drive

This is my very first fic,so please be nice

This is my very first fic,so please be nice.Constructive critisism always welcome and flames will be used to roast marshmellows.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's, everything else belongs to the amazing J.K. Rowling.

Happy Reading!

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I hate this.

I really REALLY hate this.

Hate.

Hate.

Hate.

Positivly.

Absouloutly.

DETEST.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be STUCK in a to small cage,in a bloody moving box with wheels and you just got your hair done? Well I do and I really don't appreciate it.

OH and also to have a little nagging conscience in the back of your head,telling you that you may be going to face your doom at this place what the two-legged call the vet?You see,there thy poke you with little sharp pointy things and prod you in places that should not be mentioned in polite society.It's like HELLO!? Private property here!Only I can touch there when giving myself a bath.

Jeez how rude.

Oh my and how rude of myself not to introduce myself.Ah-hem.Cough cough.H-H-HACk!Eww…A hairball.Would anyone come and clean this up?(What it sounds like to Hermione and her parents:Meowmeow Meow meow MEOW!) -Silence-. "Oh good grief Crookshanks,how grossss.You will have to wait until we stop.Nasty."

Fine.Whatever.Be that way.

Oh yes.My name is Crookshanks as happily pointed out Hermione pointed out.(Hermione is my pet by the way.She thinks she owns me,but nah-ah.Other way around.)

No wait.Let me rephrase the whole "My name is Crookshanks thing". 'Tis "Thee AMAZING Crookshanks". Anything sounds better with AMAZING in front of it. For example: "Thee AMAZING cat of ……Something". OK maybe not "Something", but that is all I can think of.

GOOD GREIF!Stop suddenly much.Do you realize how Nastily Gross it is to fall into your barf!? Come-onnn,my hair.My lovely,

silky,velvety,pretty coloured,nice smelling hair.

-Pause-

Do I smell smoke?

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As you can tell,I see Crookshanks as a sarcastisc and dramatic cat.

Please review 


	2. Trains are KILLER!

Here is the second chapter

The World According To Crookshanks

Here is the second chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer:I own nothing except my OC's

And all flames will be used to roast marshmellows.

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"Come on Crookshanks time to get out of the car."

FINALLY! I swear I was starting to get claustrophobic. Hmmmm…this doesn't reallly look like a vet. Way to many two-leggers. And to much smoke.

What are they cooking? Because they are really bad at it.

Oh my goodness! WHAT IS THAT! It is bloody HUGE! Definetly not a vet.

Definetly, definetly not a vet.

Ohhhh…..That smells good.And so does that.And that,that too.And that stinks.

You're taking me out? Hey! Don't squeeze so hard! You realize I would appreciate breathing a bit. What are you doing? You take me out and don't let me roam the teeniest bit? **whine whine** EXCUSE ME?! WHAT are you DOING?! Putting me back in…No,SHOVING me back in. Ugh. I swear two –leggers these days. No respect for their elders.

Well I can be grateful a bit. They did wash out my cage. But I still am deeply ticked at them for that little scene. But then again I was able to grt a couple swipes and A few not-the-best hisses, since they were squeezing me so hard.

But I was successful.

Whoa. Quick change of scenery. And do I smell other animals? Hmm…

OWWWW!! +? !! My face! It probably looks like a bloody WAFFLE from slamming into that door like thingy! I Ache all over from that lurch.And being toppled over.

Ohhhh, THANK YOU Hermione for realeasing me.

And this thing is soooo noisy.

Ow.

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Please review!


	3. On the train and arriving

Next chapter…yay! And sorry I havn't updated ver quickly, I was in Quebec and before that I had to get stiches on one of my fingers( I know lame excuse), but anyways, thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or favorited. Cyber cookies to you all!

Disclaimer: I own absoulutly positivly NOTHING!

There you go.

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Now to be honest, the ride wasn't that bad, of course not including the whole face waffle thing, but it was very… Bumpy. Yes bumpy.

And then, of course I was rather stuck on my own most of the time, because Hermione just had to help out some poor kid who went by the name of Neville just because he lost his toad.Yes again, toad.

But the part I found rather annoying was having to be stuck with people I didn't even know! And to be bland, they were downright creepy. One male stared at me constantly. As if he wanted to eat me up. Then this female just kept on petting and cuddeling. She also gave me the stupidist nicknames : Crookshanksy or Fluffykins. Ugh. Just thinking about them makes me want to puke.

And this one time I hissed at the annoying female while Hermione was there. Mabey wasn't the brightist idea. ( And just to let you know I am rather smart, it just was one of those moments, you know what I mean .) Then Hermione got all hissy and hit me, then lectured me. I love her dearly, well some days I do, but her lectures are soooooo painstalkingly boring. Just don't tell her I said that. Got it. Or else I will hunt you down and claw your face out. And if she murders me before that, I will haunt you past your death. Kay?

So I suppose the ride was pretty bad. But, then again, it could have been worse.

But I rather not think about that.-Shudder-. Think happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts about tuna, toys, soft cushiony bed and mice. Yesssss.

Then I had to get stuffed in my cage after and be unloaded as some weired guy put it. Now that was interesting. For he sung a lot and also talked to himself. And he looked a bit funny too.

Later on, I arrived in a huge room, then in a bit smaller room. And taken out of my cage, only to fall asleep on a bed that remineded me of the one at home. My dreams were quite fascinating aswell, but don't get me started on those.

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Please, please review!!


	4. Sleep is hard to get

Yeah… I'm sooo sorry…School is starting to get wrapped up, so we are getting busy and at home too… So I am very sorry. And I am putting this story on hiatus too.

You have full permission to be angry at me –meek look-

But here it is…

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned it, but alas, I do not.

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I woke up to being roughly shoved on to the floor… Sooo not a pleasant feeling.

Quite hard to be honest. So I did what any other regular cat would do: glare at the system of shoving, flip my head, walk away and go find somewhere else to lay.

I found this other place, but I really think it did not appreciate me flopping on to them. Rather more or less flopped me off of them. Or flip if you want to get more technical. Meanie….

After a couple of more tries and being flipped, I finally decided to leave that evil place. I walked down this painfully long staircase. It was painful, because, first of all, it was still dark, except for a couple of mini sources of light, I banged and stubbed a whole lot of toes and I chipped a claw. Ugh… Do you have any idea what it is like to chip a claw after a perfectly good maicure?? Not good. Must go bug pet for a filing of that claw…

After finishing the staircase of hell, I found myself in this room. It looked extremely cozy.The dawn was just breaking, so I knew I had enough time before I had to annoy my Hermione to feeding me. Food is an important part of surviving this world.

And then the best thing happened…It was amazingly wonderful…A true miricale… I found the comfiest, cushioniest, velvety seat ever. And guess what?! It did not flip me OFF!! I even missed breakfeast, it was soooooo comfy. And Hermione, I will not bug you for a feww more hours, because you did not wake me up. I slept like I did when I was young… I officially declare this seat my new slepper on-er.

But when I woke up, I felt really hungry…I had to search for food. I did find this one thing, but, to be honest, I do not think it quite agreed with my stomach…

Excuse me while I go puke on Hermione bed.

And don't reprimend me…She deserves it…Didn't leave any food out for me…I think I might chip a couple of hours off of her no buggie thing…

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Here ye go….Review, even if it consists of ebilness…Yes ebilness…between evil and good ;)


	5. What I discovered

Chapter 5 has arrived… :P

Alrighty, it is now off hiatus, but I will try to make this one longer, x-tra longer because of the hiatus and also because I don't know how long it will take to update because of summer and all the trips we are planning.

Disclaimer: Wishing I owned it… but, unfortunatley no. and I don't own Garfield either

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Never did get around to the hairball thing on Hermiones things… But there is always next time… But at least I did get a somewhat decent sleep. And a throbbing toe. Along with a broken claw.

Must stop being so pessimestic… My mother always said do not dwell on bad things, for it will bring you down. My mother was a brilliant lady cat. Only the best of best. She was lovely with silky orange fur and sharp green eyes… Oh my. Was I just being poetic… Don't ever let that happen again Crookshanks… You sound like Garfield… Ick.

Must have been the lack of sleep… ANYWAYS, after the children and Hermione departed ( here we go again, big fancy words ), left, I mean, I went looking around in the room. Let me tell you, I came across some of the most interesting things. And some of the most un-interesting things.

For example:

Interesting things number one:

1. Bugs. Fun to play with, squish and eat.

2. String. The best toys in the world. Period.

3. Random long lost forgotten shiney stuff. Best for collections.

4. Food. Need I say more?

5. Random escape hatches. Mentally made a list of them.

List of un-intersting things:

1. Dust bunnies. They may be cute, but are little buggers to the sinuses.

2. Hot embers. Dangerous, quite dangerous.

3. Cracks in the floor. They HURT you!

4. Talking pictures…. I swear they are out to get me… Always watching you…

5. Fancy unnamable plants. They may look good, but if you eat them, you go funny.

So that is my list.

I also did my good deed of the day. Some random, fluffy and cushioney cat was looking lonely in the girls room. So I talked to it , kept it company , let it eat out of my dish and all that nice stuff….

But this goes into my bad deed of the day. Because it was starting to annoy me with its silence and beady looking eyes,I got angry at it. So I started yelling and cursing at it in Cat-ish. Then I was going to fling it out the window, but it got caught on something. So I un caughterfied it and brought it downstairs. I started to beat it up and tear at it , then this really weird ripping noise came from it and all this white fluffy stuff came from it. I thought it was diseased, so I through it in the fire and yelled at it " I let you EAT from MY dish, and this is my THANK YOU!!"

Then I realized it was fake.

Must've been that plant I ate… It is making me slow in the mind.

But anywho, I was so not going to jump into the fire and save it, so I waited till the flames burned down a bit, then I attempted to get it out. This goes into the part about hot embers o the list of un-interesting things. I decided to wait a bit longer then get it out. Not one of the best ideas, but good in the sense that I am saving my fur. By then it was starting to dissapear and I felt bad, so I got it out and attemted to put it back together. Not as pretty as it was before, just missing a couple touches.

But it's better then nothing hey?

I went to put it back in the girls room. It was hard. Kept falling out of my mouth. Now I have the taste of burned goodness-knows-what in my mouth. Finally made it up there with a lesser load, but I was being nice doing this. And put it back where I found it. Being kind is hard.

Mother was right. Dwelling on bad things does bring you down . Sometimes to literally.

I learned 3 things today.

Never talk to stuff that doesn't reply back

Don't eat funny looking plants

And ash doesn't taste good.

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I have nothing against Garfield by the way.

R&R please!


	6. Hallowe'en part 1

Omygoodness, so sorry it took so long to start up again… Summer was so busy, traveling and stuff like that and school starting again. I know those are probably sucky excuses and I don't deserve any reviews, because I know the feeling of not having a story you like being updated. But if you do decide to review, Thank you most kindly and sincerely :) , because I don't deserve it.

Now for all of those reviews from the pitiful try at a long chapter 5, I will try to do what you suggested. And thank you for those suggestions. :)

_"…And so, on a windy day with clouds, a young sick authoress created chapter 6 of The World According to Crookshanks. "_

And on with the story….

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Disclaimer: If I owned the Harry Potter series….

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I was bored.

I was VERY bored.

I was PAINSTALKINGLY TERRIBLY bored.

So what can I say?

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_Flashback._

So it happened like this,

I was stuck in the tiny little room with the weired tasting plants and talking pictures. And it was decorated.

Badly decorated.

Today was All Hallows' Eve or whatever they call it nowadays. Like I said, I was bored and my eyes hurt from all the bad decorations aswell.

And by some little miracle, it just so happened that the opening to the stuffy little chamber, happened to be open, because they were passing, floating to be exact, stuff for the awlful decorations into the room.

I couldn't help it, I had to go.

So I secretly, sneakily, creeped out on my wittle teensy toes and out the big door to the world outside, for a new and exciting adventure, with just the smallest touch of fear in my heart.

Well, after I did that, some two-leggers passed by in black. And so, knowing that I wasn't really supposed to be out here, I ran and hid behind a statue. ( I know how bold and daring of me after my super-dee-duper escape. )

So they passed and I ran out from behind the statue and stealthlike I ran to the staircase and…. Nearly… Fell off …Whatever the staircase… Attaches… Too. I'm having issues trying to comprehend this fact, because, cats. Don't. FALL. Sorry, just had to vent this… Issue… But those pointy sharp things attached to my lithe and graceful feety saved me. They're called claws. Earn some. And my loud hiss nearly got me discovered. ( One point for stupidity, Crookshanks ). Luckily enough, the weird freaky staircase returned from wherever it was, and I was able to run away.

After the weirdest staircase… Ride, I sprinted off of it before it could pull any "magic tricks" on me, too encounter some more, unfortunatly.

The hall was empty, so I "skipped" in cat form, down it, because, why else wouldn't I? I survived the hardest ( or so I thought ) part of my daring and bold- besides the hiding behind the staue part- escape plan.

As I bravely skipped down the hall, I thought to myself, ' I shall call that part of my adventure, The Staircase! And my kittens and great-kittens will stare in awe and wonder when I tell them this story, with my lovely wife, Katrina by my side, glowing with pride and love.'

' Ahhh, Katrina, how I love you. That golden and brown fur with a shine that beats the rising sun…. Those green blue eyes like the forest and the sky like it was painted fresh out of a can… Your voice is like the perfect melody, your walk is like a dance. Your…'

I was abruptly pulled out of my fantasy by being hit forcefully in the back of the head… With something white and dusty that smells weird?!

So I turned around and looked up to see this clear floating thing dressed oddly with the hard white stuff in his clear hands….

I think there is a bump growing on the back of my head.

"Hee hee hee hee!" He laughed, " Did the teensy weensy kitty hurt his head?" Hee heee! Well I can fix that!" And he threw some more at me. That hurt even more, because he threw it harder! So I growled and hissed at him, and he made a face at me, mocked me, threw some more of that stuff at me, laughed and went through a WALL!

That was so weired, so so soooo weired.

So as the hallway danced before my eyes, I heared voices and they were coming my way. I searched frantically around were I was, but there was no where to hide.

The voices were approaching and so I started sprinting the way I came. Then I sprinted head first into something. Hard…..

Then I was being picked up and seeing an unfamiliar face.

And I did not like the look in its eyes.

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Hehe… Cliffe!

Review if you want, but I don't deserve it.

Katrina is Crookshanks " crush ".

She is a Siamese, by the way.

So yeah!

The next part should be up soon… So hang on there, dear readers!


	7. Hallowe'en part 2

Hey… And sorry guys… Being a newbie in highschool or a "beaner" gets to you with homework and tight schedual. I wanted this to be set for Hallowe'en, but I didn't have time, so this is a "Happy belated Hallowe'en" thing. Also, I have been working on trying to publish a book with the aid of an english teacher, so me shall try to post as many chappies as I can :)

But right now I have freedom today, so I shall post this.

Thanks guys for being so patient. Cyber-cookies to all! I hope you like chocolate chip or macadamia nut with white chocolate chip!

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Some of the stuff might be off from the book, like Crookshanks escaping in the last chapter, and what is going to happen here, but this is called fan-fiction for a reason. So with all-due respect, please understand that it is not going to be totally book based all the time, but I will try to use as much events from the book as I can.

Just had to let you know. :P

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Disclaimer: Me owns nothing… If I did, I'd be rich…

Warning: Some language in this chapter.

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Last chapter flashback:

The voices where approaching so I started sprinting the way I came. Then I sprinted head first into something. Hard…..

Then I was being picked up and seeing an unfamiliar face.

And I did notlike the look in it's eyes.

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Now besides the fact I was shivering like a dying leaf caught in a windstorm only being held there by a weak twig, from my assumptions this was a male two-legger. With issues… MAJOR issues. Like, who wears towels on their heads?

" Oh, hello kitty. Where are you going in such a rush? "

He is scrathing me under my chin… Maybe I should bite him…

" Hush, hush… There, there… Professser Quirrel won't hurt you… That bad. It depends on how you act, you realize that. Just don't bite me and you'll be fine… For now. "

I can hear the smile in his voice as he said that last part.

Physopathic maniac.

But I think I won't bite him… Right now… It all depends on how HE behaves.

So as we were speed walking down the hallway, he muttering to himself about his plan, and while should be paying attention to that plan, so I could desive a plan for myself to escape, I was cowering like a baby, thinking about how soon I was going to die, about my love, my future kids and so on…

Because I do love my life and my fur.

Well, I musn't be such a pussy! Even though that is one of my "nicknames" and I oh so hate it…

"Mutter, mutter… Troll… Girls bathroom…"

Girls' bathroom! WHAT THE HECK!!!

'Scuse my language, but what would he want with a ladies loo?

Madman.

He must have issues. But I should be paying attention to what he is saying, even though I don't want to.

" Master shall be happy."

Master? Yes, he is insane.

" Ah here we are."

Epp!

We entered a dark scary room that smelled awful. Made you wonder what they did in here… I rather not think about it though. He brought me - against my will – down a dark corridor to another room. And what was in that room was the UGLIEST thing I have ever seen. Indeed, he is a madman.

" Hello, my friend. You will behave or else…" And he pointed his wand at _it. _Now the thing just grunted and growled at it. " Now, now, I brought you a gift."

And he lifted ME up. EXCUSE ME!

But who do you think you are?!?!?!

Ohhhh, I could call you something nasty right now, but I'm too nice. And its rude, but then again what you're doing is quite rude and cruel! So, bloody damn bastard!!!

So I glared at him. Hissed, growled.. That sorta thing. And he flicked me on the nose and said (like seriously, how childish) : " Nice kitty. "

Sacré bleu et merde! I am going to die.

Well not yet anyways. For there is a saying that goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. " Or something like that…

So I did what any pertrified and pissed kitty would do: I hissed, growled, scratched him across the face, bit his nose – on the tip - , clawed my way out of his grip and ran as if I had the fires of hell at my heels. In other words, beat him up like a wossy and ran like hell.

People really do underestimate cats, for we are quite intelligent animals. We catch on quickly to things, we can undersatnd your complex language and so forth. We are just like you, but we have better hunting skills. We are just as dependible too, and we do learn everyday aswell, like not to run into walls. Ecspecially when you have someone shooting lasers at you through a stick. Quite dangerous actually. I think I broke another claw. Shoot.

So as I ran into a couple walls, a few thoughts hit me. Quite literally, for they slammed me in the brain, and it hurt. Almost like a door being slammed on your toes… Or head. It went like, " What if I don't make it? What if I die? What will Katrina think? Hermione… HERMIONE!! The kind lady who raised me from kittenhood to now… Even if she was injust at times, but so was I… Oh no! What will I do????! " I was wailing in my mind and I froze. I have lost him. I curled up in a corner and sat there. Maybe he will pass and then I can follow him if he goes out. I waited there for what felt like eternity, but it only was a few minutes. Then he came along with that grotesque beast behind him on a chain.

Ick, he stinks. Both of them actually in their own ways…

But now is the time to be brave and fearless.

I followed them out and into the light, trembling, but now I will do what I can. Must be brave, for them, for Hermione. I have to stop them… But how will I?

" Just go with the flow, Crookshanks… " I told myself.

With the worst thoughts to be thinking at the time, I slinked along behind them, sneaking into corners and hiding behing things, trying to format a plan…

Musn't cry…

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So there is part two, with an ASAP chapter following soon, for I am formatting my plan.

Cheers!


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